What Else Has He Been In?

Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love That Guy.

I would be willing to wager a fair amount of money that you have either thought or maybe even uttered the following phrase: "Oh look, it's That Guy." He was in the random re-run of "Quincy ME" you caught the other night, but he's also going to be on Thursday's "CSI." He was in a blaxploitation flick from the 70's, but he's also on every twelfth "Law & Order" rerun on A&E. She's a thin lipped waitress, but she also knobbed Jeff Bridges while he was busy getting an Oscar. The Coen Brothers love That Guy. Martin Scorsese makes Those Guys into something that makes James Lipton swoon. This is my salute to you, That Guy.

What makes a That Guy? What keeps him from crossing over into Household Name? For a woman one can easily blame it on not being beautiful. I could possibly name five actresses that aren't "pretty," but I'd have to try pretty damn hard. Dudes, on the other hand . . . Well, that argument just won't cut it. Whatever you try to argue, I will rebut, and win, with two words: Jack Nicholson. I win. But I digress. Maybe these folks got pigeonholed too soon, maybe they just have shitty agents. But we all know them and we probably love them, and I bet we have even incorporated some of their roles into our own personal pop culture.

Richard Jenkins.
This guy went from being a big gay Fed in "Flirting With Disaster" to a freakin' Oscar nominee. Not bad, eh? Richard Jenkins is kind of a weird That Guy in that he usually has a lot of screen time in his projects, and yet a That Guy he remains. Even after the Oscar publicity. Now he's just "hey, it's That Guy that was nominated for the Academy Award!" I really rooted for him. A lot. Mr. Jenkins has a solid 90 IMDB credits, which ain't too shabby.


Needle Nose Ned!!
Stephen Tobolowsky was most recently seen by me as a bad guy in "Heroes." And boy did I love seeing him as a bad guy. Mr. Tobolowsky usually plays an annoying bumbler, but look into those eyes, man. Those are crazy eyes right there. Stephen Tobolowsky should take on "Dexter." He might even have put the fear of God into Tony Soprano. I seriously think he should be checking into this little niche, if only for a while. And, Mr. Tobolowsky has a whopping 199 IMDB credits.


Brion James, who I believe is sadly no longer with us. Mr. James usually played a bumbling, inept, tough guy, and he played him well. Wide eyes and tough features made him perfect for these parts and he did funny just as well as he did pathetic. Mr. James was in 160 movies according to IMDB.



Jeff Kober is under a shitton of make up a lot. You might not recognize him. But he's a rugged, non-traditionally handsome man and I can't find any logical reason that he is not a star of, at the very least, Val Kilmer proportions. I almost want to call him the poor man's Gary Oldman, but I can't help but think that he's absolutely cool with his current level of celebrity. I have a soft spot for Jeff Kober. I saw him on an episode of "Highway to Heaven" when I was wee, and have recognized him ever since. Plus, he had two different roles on Buffy. Nice. Mr. Kober has 91 listed appearances.


When compiling my list, I thought of Dylan Baker and immediately thought "That Guy aways plays a sick fuck." But when perusing his 90 listings, only two stuck out at me. "Happiness" and "Trick R Treat." Why do I associate him with being a pervert? I'll tell you why. Liver lips. That, and I've aways said never trust a man with two first names. EVER.


I had planned on only mentioning one of Mr. David's roles, because it's the only one that matters to me: He will forever be the man that made Jennifer Connelly go ass to ass for smack. *jibblies* But, upon checking out his 179 IMDB listings, I learned that his first credited role was in a film called "Disco Godfather," which I will promptly be adding to my Netflix queue once I am finished with this blog.


That Knife Guy! Danny Trejo was a juvenile delinquent, a very young addict, and earned a boxing title in San Fucking Quentin. The prison. He has also been in 183 movies. Holy shit, how awesome is that? True, he plays a lot of hooligans, but this isn't a blog about typecasting. A lot of the actors in this list have been in some amazing, ground breaking films. Danny Trejo? Not so much. But he has been in an asston of fun flicks, and that ain't bad for someone who could kill you with his bare hands.


Beth Grant's career encompasses a weird pie chart with the labels "bitch," "fundie," and "white trash." But look at her! She's very pretty! Beautiful hair, lovely figure, and 140 movie listings. Does Angelina Jolie have that many credits? I submit she does not!* But Angelina has one thing that Beth Grant does not. Lips. Ms. Grant is cursed with the American Thin Lip, which I can't help but associate with Doral 100's and a throwaway Mountain Dew. It sucks, Ms. Grant. But I will NEVER doubt your commitment to Sparklemotion.


And last but in no way least, That Man.
Charles. Fucking. Napier.

I saw Charles Napier cry on Dr. Phil's show once. He cried because he had never become a superstar while his own wife and that shrew of a shrink chided him. It broke my cold little heart. Charles Napier has been in 193 projects, and he was being chided. Shame. Mr. Napier is usually an authority figure - Army Guy, Cop Guy. And I can totally pinpoint why he has never hit superstardom. Hear me out on this one.

I was reading "Sweet Tooth" the other night and found myself thinking that if a live action movie were ever made, Napier should totally play Mr. Jeppard. But then I thought, well, maybe not. I don't know if Mr. Jeppard has a heart of gold yet (I've only finished issue 5, so don't spoil it for me if you know), and that's what Charles Napier was born to do: Be the asshole with the heart of gold. There are very few movies that revolve around the asshole with the heart of gold, but one is usually there to further the plot. He's got the voice and demeanor of a total bitch, but the eyes and Southern smile of your friend's awesome grandfather. The one that snuck you beer when you were 14, and not because he was a pervert, just because he was cool like that. Charles Napier. I'm going to write a screenplay someday, one so awesome it will make studio heads weep tears of platinum. And I won't sell it to them unless Charles Effing Napier is the star. Word.




*I'm far too lazy to look that up right now.

A Very Hasty Oscar Blog

I feel shameful. Tonight is my Christmas. I seriously look forward to this night so very much . . . and I normally write, about a week before, a very well thought blog (previously on livejournal, FYI), about my who and why picks of the evening. Not tonight, sadly. Tonight you get a super quick double listing of "gonna" and "wanna." Enjoy!

I have tried for many years to see every film nominated for a major award. Last year I was only one short, this year I am short by three (A Single Man, The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, and The Young Victoria). Next year is my year, friends!

Oh, for what it's worth, my favorite movies of the year were Up, The Watchmen, The Road, and . . . hmmm . . . probably District 9. Oh, and Precious! That movie blew my mind.

I'll be cracking open my bottle of Shiraz shortly, and a hangover blog will follow tomorrow. Happy Oscar Night, friends and neighbors!

Without further adooooo (*sic, I know):

Gonna Wins:
Supporting Actress: Monique.
Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz.
Actress: Bullock. I don't even like typing that.
Actor: Bridges.
Director: James Cameron.
Original Screenplay: This is a tough one. I'm calling Up.
Adapted: Up in the Air.
Animated: Up. Duh.
Picture: I really think Avatar is going to win. And if it does, I might be breaking up with Oscar.
Art Direction: Avatar. Again, duh.
Cinematography: Avatar.
Visual Effects: Avatar. Do I need to say "duh" again?
Make Up: Star Trek?
Editing: Avatar
I'm skipping the sound categories, because I truly don't know or understand their qualifications.
Score: Avatar


I want to win:
Supporting Actress: Monique.
Supporting Actor: Woody Harrelson.
Actress: Gabourey Sidibe, baby! I feel good about it, I really do. I'll cry so hard if she wins.
Actor: Bridges.
Director: Katherine Bigelow. I want this. I love her. Near Dark is one of my favorite movies. As recently tweeted, I am way too emotionally invested in her winning of this award. Way.
Original Screenplay: Up. Or The Messenger, I'm torn.
Adapted Screenplay: Precious. Sorry, District 9, I love you too, but Precious touched me more. HA! SEE HOW I'M PUNNY THERE?!!? (Yeah, that was wildly inappropriate but I'm a little giddy at this point)
Animated: Up. But Secret of Kells was cool as hell.
Picture: The Hurt Locker. For real.
Art Direction: Avatar (keeping in mind I didn't see two of the flicks nominated)
Cinematography: The Hurt Locker (but the camera work in The White Ribbon was AMAZING, and I just might pick that topic as my hangover blog tomorrow).
Visual Effects: Avatar. Duh.
Editing: The Hurt Locker
Score: Up.

She's Singing What?

Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Mary J. Blige.

I am a plain, chubby, white girl. As plentiful as we are, there are very few things out there in that great wide world that are ours, that feel like they were made specifically for us/by us. We are the girl in high school with lots of male friends, and she is not sleeping with any of them (incidentally, gentlemen - if you had that friend in high school I would bet that you once broke her heart a little). We are the girl in college with very few friends that probably joined a weird fringe campus group and pierced something. We are the woman in the grocery store that makes eye contact and smiles politely, but you will probably never think of her again. Betty Crocker single serving microwave desserts are ours. Anne Rice is ours. And Janis Joplin . . . is OURS. Nobody . . . NOBODY will ever be able to duplicate the emotion she poured out and thusly they should not try.

I could prattle about why she is so special, but this interview really sums it up. She was weird and plain and invisible; which, if you've never experienced, is a truly heartbreaking combination. It can hurt even worse than actual malice.


If you've never felt that way, you can't do those songs justice no matter how pure your intentions ("Me and Bobby McGee" being the rare exception. Talented people can make that song pretty, but only when they don't try to sing it like she did).

So one eventless evening many years ago, I decided to watch this one-night only variety show called "Fashion Rocks." It was profoundly awful. Performers doing cover numbers in front of clothes from the era respective of the song the played. I don't remember any performers other than the aforementioned Ms Blige. In fact, after 20 minutes or so I had decided to change the channel when an announcer mentioned that Mary J. Blige would be performing soon, doing a Janis song.

PFFF. That was my thought. PFFFF. I knew very little about her at the time, probably really only her genre and appearance. But I knew she would do a terrible cover, so I decided to watch. Naturally. And oh lawdy, she blew the fucking roof off that song! My jaw dropped, I barely blinked, goosebumps, watery eyes . . . the whole shebang. Mary J. Blige . . . knew.



I'll be a son of a bitch, but this talented beautiful woman knows what it feels like to be so full of emotion that is has to absolutely erupt. She's said at some point "fuck it, this is coming out whether y'all like it or not." Maybe she doesn't know what it's like to feel invisible but screw it, the ideal end result is the same: a volcano of feeling and every last drop is spent in the art you are making, that touches every single person that hears it and understands it. It can be exhausting to watch, but it's always cathartic and empowering. Falling in love with Mary J. Blige changed my perspective on a lot of things. It's hard to feel isolated when a goddess of a woman has probably felt the same way as you at one point in time. One could argue that it makes Janis obsolete, but yeah . . . no. Not even close.

Incidentally, this is the performance that prompted me to write this. The bit at about three minutes in buh-lows my mind.




PS - Dave Navarro is a giant douche.

Review: "Escape from Special"

I am kinda keeping my word on the promised comic review. Yes, I know I kept hinting at some multi-colored muscle bound action, but I changed my mind. There are probably eight trillion Blackest Night reviews out there, and I still might write something up, but if I do it will be at the end of the series. It's been a rough week and I just don't feel like waxing fangirl, so I'd like to share something low key, and thoughtful, and something that is probably brand new to you. So I present to you a review of Miss Lasko-Gross's "Escape from Special."

I read this book under the impression that it was autobiographical, but as it turns out it is "semi" autobiographical. The novel is about a young woman named Melissa, and we are shown moments from her childhood. These moments are sometimes congratulatory but most often they are self effacing and sometimes downright self loathing. As someone who, in childhood (OK, in adulthood also), took embarassments as something very hurtful and deeply personal, I got very emotionally attached to Melissa. Sometimes she is hateful and is not always likeable but I appreciate that portrayal more when I am reading something autobiographical. It's more honest this way, and I think it creates a deeper bond between reader and author/artist. When I finished the book, I felt something was lacking . . . I wanted to see something really AWESOME happen to Melissa. But after thinking about if for a while, I came to the understanding that sometimes the "pretty" stories just aren't the ones that want to come out.

The art in this book is beautiful. It almost comes across like a black and white watercolor. Melissa's eyebrows are especially expressive and the faces of her "friends" convey so very well the haughtiness and ignorance that comes with being a young girl. By letting us see Melissa's drawings, Miss Lasko-Gross also allows us to notice that Melissa's art is a more primitive version of the art of the book itself, which is an endearing touch.

Lasko-Gross's publisher compares her to Judy Blume, and oh how I wish I had come up with that myself. It's so true. Both help us remember what it was like to feel ostracized, but they also help us remember that were weren't, and aren't, alone. I am really looking forward to more of her work.

$900 Stripper Shoes

I need to precede this entry with two admissions: I am about three to four months late on this particular item. But I, unlike a heapin' handful of other bloggers, sadly do not get invited to Fashion Week. While I was checking out photos of these shoes I noticed that most of the entries were dated about September of '09. Don't care, I'm posting anyway. That, and I know I promised a comic review, but this will be my first public comic review and I am procrastinating.

Last night I did some impromptu thrifting. Had a rotten day at work, don't have a lot of cash, needed some cheap therapy. I already had an armful of cardigans (my staple) and a nifty khaki skirt so I decided to head to the shoe racks before hitting the checkout. I passed by a pair of lucite flippy floppy shoes and snickered. These shoes always have and forever will be stripper shoes. I could see a hausfrau in a coordinated warm up suit and lucite shoes in the grocery store and think "stripper shoes." I could see a 98 year old woman walkering out of an oncologist's office rockin' a pair and still think "stripper shoes." I could see a fashionista in - oh, wait. No I couldn't, because they are STRIPPER SHOES.

Tonight I got home from work and flipped through the most recent Harper's Bazaar. I was idly flipping through, not really invested. And then I saw them. I looked to the top of the page, praying I would see a "don't" somewhere. But nay. It was a "do". And it was Prada. And it was . . . Lucite.

Prada included lucite shoes in the spring couture line. Prada. The house of motherfucking Prada clomped down the runway in stripper shoes! I'm pretty sure there's a fifth apocalyptic horseman, and his name is Brandee and he wears Prada fucking lucite shoes. Permit me the equivalent of a fangirl moment here, but Prada is quickly gaining on Dooney and Bourke and Kate Spade in the race to become generic, bit it's still Prada. It's not Channel, but it ain't no Max Azria, that's for sure (pimping with Miley Cyrus up to the WalMart? You are dead to me, Max Azria). I will soften my harsh criticism of the increasing affordability of these lines by saying it's not necessarily bad - I might be able to afford these someday. But in the world of high fashion, loosing exclusivity looses reputation, and that's just a fact. Nonetheless! Lucite heels. All the blogs are calling them wedges, but, uh, no. Chunky heel a wedge does not make. And calling it a wedge doesn't make it hip, because it's a godforsaken stripper shoe.

Incidentally, I have no idea how much these shoes cost. $900 was just a guess. And now that I've done a little research, I'm raising that because I can't find them at any retailer.

Product Review: Kat Von D True Romance Eye Pallette

I waited a teenager's eternity to buy this palette from Sephora. I wanted it so very badly, but I'm not in a band anymore, I don't go out much to speak of at all, and the colors I was after are not very work friendly. So at 36$, the purchase was pretty hard to rationalize. But then one day the benevolent Sephora sent me a 20$ gift certificate, and I instantly knew where I would place my grubby little mitts.

Every time I see Kat Von D, all the estrogen molecules in my body turn into little Palpatines, and each one of them is hissing instructions - something about letting my hate flow. She is hot, she is amazingly talented . . . But it might be fair to say that she is famous because she is hot. I've seen a shitton of amazing tattoo art and artists, and while a good percentage of them are equal to her talent, none have been as hot (sorry, guys). And now she's smacking her tastefully tattooed face all over a "hip" line of cosmetics. It would be so easy to hate her. But, you know. Meh. Plus, it's somewhat difficult to process, but there's something "safe" about Kat Von D. All the ladies that used to cock an eyebrow at my tattoos are now super hip because they wear Kat Von D lip gloss and have an Ed Hardy bag. But I digress.

I fell in love, before the purchase, with the following words: matte purple black with purple glitter. Oh my god, this kit contains matte purple black eye shadow with purple glitter. Where ever will I wear it? Who gives a shit, I must own it. And from there came my first disappointment. I call shenanigans, because the glitter is barely-there. Pretty non existent. The second pre-sale lust was a black shadow called "lucifer." C'mon. It's called "lucifer." That's cool. And from there, disappointment number two. This shadow, along with its glitterless counterpart, suffers from a serious blending issue. I use a primer and MAC acrylic brushes for the application, incidentally. And these shadows go on very literally. Precision is important - don't expect any forgiveness from blending. If you have more mature skin, this is even more of a problem as the crinkles and creases in your eyelids are very difficult to conquer. Beef the third and final is that I didn't get a grey shade, I got a weird limey green.

The pros: the lighter shades in the set are very smooth, true to color, and are appropriate for daytime wear. They're "safe" colors, and that's cool. I'm especially fond of mixing the yellow with the lighter purple shade, 'cause I like to mix it up like that. The only shade I have yet to try is that fabulous cobalt blue shade. I haven't even played with that one yet. Blue eyeshadow is the yellow cake, the Ouija board, the very time travel of cosmetics. You don't mess with that shit lightly. And when I rock that blue eyeshadow, I'ma roll it Bowie-style and go mad with it. So it should be a special occasion. Definitely not a Matinee type look, right?

All in all I give it a B, but it might have been a C if I had paid full price. You can buy the Kat Von D True Romance Palette in Beethoven here.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my very first ever comic review - I'll be spoiling the shit out of "Blackest Night" issue six, so heads up there.

Start at the Beginning . . .

. . . And when you get to the end, make a list . . . see . . .

I am several weeks if not months behind the times with a 2009 Wrap Up, but I've been hem hawing around on starting this blog. Subject after subject, endless review possibilities, they all came streaming into my noggin and I just couldn't figure out where to start. So I thought "to hell with it, I'll just write a list of favorites." A blank blog is so much more daunting than a blank notebook, you see - the blog is here for you, but the notebook is my own. But a list gives you an idea of who I am and a taste of things to come.

I should clarify - the following are things I discovered in 2009. To you, most of the items are old hat. But these are the things that made me happy last year, so in no particular order, on with the show!

The Swell Season. I cannot stop listening to "Strict Joy." Can't stop. If my copy of the soundtrack to "Once" had been on cassette, I would have worn it through already. Admittedly, the real love behind the fictional brilliance of that movie was part of the allure - it was just so gosh durn romantic, and beyond that it was a beautiful, completely un-dark romance to which the eighteen year old girl in all of us could squeefully identify. I skipped the first Swell Season disc for unexplainable reasons, but when I was reminded of the band's existence by an ad in Paste I drove to my local multimedia megastore the next day to purchase it. About two songs in, something devastating occurred to me. They are no longer in love. The music is deceptive, because the tunes still sound like songs to snuggle by; but now the lyrics are rueful and apologetic and crushing. Somehow, the romance has remained but now my inner eighteen year old sobs into her pillow at night and pines for a love long lost.

Independent Comics, specifically Jeffrey Brown, Chris Ware, Carrie McNinch and I'm sure several others that I am neglecting to mention at this time. I would love to say I made this discovery on my own and that I am well versed in the culture, but my boyfriend turned me on to the genre and I am only beginning to experience it. He loaned me Jeffrey Brown's "Clumsy," and it was a super rare reading experience for me - I actually put it down because I didn't want to finish it too soon. I had to savor it, and I am normally a devourer of books (incidentally, when I saw that very same book on "Heroes" several weeks later, I felt terminally cool). If you are interested in a taste of upcoming talent as well as some small-press big-names, check out Not My Small Diary # 15. Good times.

Star Trek, Abrams Style. Come on. You know it's the best movie of the year. You KNOW it is!!! I won't even rant about its awesomeness. I'll just let it be awesome.

Sue Sylvester. I think . . . no, wait. Yeah. I want to be Sue Sylvester when I grow up. Some Sue zingers:

You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror.

.

When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious.

Out of context these are probably bizarre and completely unfunny, but I urge you to watch Glee. You can fast forward through the singing. It's OK.

Kitties. I am 33 years old and am a first time cat owner. They are amazing. I just finished the aforementioned Jeffrey Brown's "Cat Getting Out of a Bag . . . " and it blew my mind. Had I read this book a year ago, I would have thought it was sickeningly cute, ooh'd and aah'd, and then played with my dog. But now? I get it. I am part of the club, and a warm, fuzzy, challenging, bikkit-makin' club it is.


Dexter. Holy shit, what an amazing show. It took me a few episodes to get into the swing of it, but when I realized how perfect Michael C Hall's deadpan is I began to truly appreciate the tone of the show. I won't say too much here, and I would appreciate it if you did the same. I'm only on season 3, you see, and if you spoil it for me, so help me god . . .


The Green Lantern. I've got a thing for super heroes that were given a choice in their responsibilities, and I can't believe that I denied myself the opportunity to grow up reading about the Green Lantern Corps. I'll save my rave for a later post (Review of the "Blackest Night" series, stay tuned) but for now I will say that ye' tho' I love superhero comics, there isn't much out there in the way of art that I would consider hanging on my walls. But some of the recent art from this series and its tie ins would be hung behind velvet ropes and lasers in my living room.


Stila makeup. I've long been a Benefit/MAC girl, but in my ever increasing age I've come to the realization that it doesn't always pay to look like a drag queen - even a well put-together drag queen. I've long been of the opinion that women should look like peacocks, but I'm at the age where there is a very, very fine line between "looking quirky" and "trying too hard." Stila to the rescue - pretty colors that are easy to coordinate, fun but non-envelope-pushing shades, and occasionally I stumble on a great value. My Morning Ritual takes less time, and I have office appropriate sparkle instead of looking like I am heading off to Hot Topic after my day job.


Those are the bigguns, folks. Stay tuned for reviews of comics and girly stuff, links to other bloggers and artists, and general ramblings on that which I find neato.